Reports of UFO’s spotted along the Kerry coast this week have been treated with a certain amount of scepticism by the general public. However, unidentified flying objections have been observed in the skies over Abbeyfeale Hill for generations, and not all of these sightings were due to drink.
Paddy John Batt is a prime example. He was returning home from town late one Saturday night, back in the sixties, when he claimed to have a close encounter with extra terrestrials or “little green men” as Paddy described them.
He had sampled a few bottles of stout in Johnny Joy’s and was chugging slowly up the Hill Road in his trusty Morris Minor. He reached the top of the hill and turned right at O’Brien’s, only to be forced into an emergency stop and screeching halt by a large metal contraption parked in the middle of the road.
It was a big, round yoke, Paddy later recalled, with windows in the sides and aerials sticking out of the top. But, more amazingly, hordes of little green men scrambled all over this strange gadget with screwdrivers and spanners, chattering and shouting excitedly to each other in some weird language.
Paddy got out of his car and approached the mayhem. “Are ye alright there, lads?” he asked. It was nice to be neighbourly.
One of the little green men, presumably their captain, walked slowly towards Paddy with an arm held aloft.
“We come in peace.” he said. “Take me to your leader.”
“Feck off!” Paddy replied. “You’ve been watching too many of those silly American sci fi movies.”
The rest of the little green men had ceased their noisy antics at this stage and watched intently as Paddy came closer and examined their machine. He wondering if it was petrol or diesel.
“Is this one of those flying saucer things?” he enquired.
“It is indeed,” replied the alien leader proudly, “although we have a more scientific name than you humans for it.”
“And have ye come far?” Paddy wanted to know.
“From up there.” The alien pointed to the southern sky. “just over that hill where our mother ship is parked.”
“Ah, Knocknagoshel.” said Paddy. “I know it well. Plenty parking there. And where might ye be heading for?” he went on.
"We are on a grand tour of the solar system,” came the reply “visiting various planets to see if they are suitable for tourism. A kind of a hitch-hikers guide to the galaxy. Space travel is very big with us at the moment.”
“County Kerry is the best place for touring.” declared Paddy. “Killarney and Dingle draw massive crowds and Skellig Michael is fast becoming a place of religious worship.”
“We were on our way to Kerry when we have developed a slight mechanical fault.” explained the alien. “We landed on the high ground here and the battery went dead. We can’t start up again.”
“No problem.” said Paddy. “I have jump-leads in the boot. We’ll hook her up and you’ll be on your way in no time!”
Paddy took out the jump-leads and connected the Morris Minor to the flying saucer. “Try her now.” he said.
The alien turned the starter and the motor stuttered briefly before suddenly bursting in to life, sending a pall of smoke from the exhaust. The little green men gave a loud cheer before clambering aboard the flying saucer and taking up their various positions.
The alien shook Paddy’s hand and thanked him profusely.
“Would you like a quick spin as far as the moon before we leave?” he asked.
“I’d love to,” replied Paddy “but I have to be up early in the morning for the cows.”
“Well, if you are ever in the area of Alpha Centauri,” said the alien. “be sure and give us a call.”
“I will of course,” said Paddy, “although I seldom get beyond Meenahela these days.”
The alien closed down the hatch and the flying saucer rose slowly in to the sky with the little green men smiling broadly out the windows and waving their goodbyes. It did one final victory roll and then swept away in the direction of Mount Brandon.
Paddy sat back in to the Morris Minor and turned on the ignition before suddenly realizing that something was missing.
He jumped out and shook an angry fist up at the star-studded sky.
“Come back here, ye robbing feckers!” he shouted. “ye've taken my jump-leads!”
ABBEYFEALE PARISH CHURCH: Fr Tony Mullins PP 087/2600414. Fr Brendan Duggan 087/0562674. Fr Denis Mullane 087/2621911. Parish Church 068/51915. Parish Office; Open 11:00 – 1:00 p.m. Tues. - Fri. (068) 31133 Email: email@example.com Limerick Social Services: 061-314111. AA 061/311222 Al-Anon 086/8143425. Parent Support worker 068/31019. Accord NCW 069/61000. Samaritans Freephone 116123 or text 087/2609090 or email firstname.lastname@example.org Aware (Depression & Anxiety) 1980 303 302 National Suicide Helpline (Pieta House) 1800 247 247 Irish Advocacy Network (Peer advocacy in mental health) 01 872 8684 Pieta House (Suicide & self-harm) 01 623 5606 IACP (Counselling & Psychotherapy) 01 230 3536 Shine: (Supporting people effected by mental ill health) 01 860 1620 061 - 412111 or Free phone 1850609090 A.A. 061-311222 Al-Anon 086-8143425 Bereavement Support: 068 / 31203 068/ 31262 068/51984 St Vincent De Paul Tel 087/1213560 . Counselling Appointment 061/314213. Masses: No morning Mass Monday, evening Mass at 7pm. Saturday Masses 11am and 6.30pm. Sunday 9.15am and 12 noon. Mass Intentions: Wednesday 10am William & Julia Madden, Dually Thursday 10am Lay Led Liturgy. Friday 10am Lay Led Liturgy. Saturday 6.30pm Patrick & David O’Connor, Caherhayes. Jack & Mary McKenna, Knockbrack . Sunday 9.15 Michael Farrell .Eileen & Patrick Roche, Killarney Road. Josephine & Michael Reidy, Shanbally. Bridie Creevy, London Months Mind. 12noon Sheila O’Connell, Kilconlea. Michael Reidy, Bog Road Meenkilly. Eileen O’Connor and sister Anne O’Connor Keating late of Main Street & Dublin. Mon 7pm Lizzie Morris, Longford.Wed 10am Fintan Hoare Knockbrack. Thurs 10am Michael , Kathleen and Julia Collins Bridge Street
Fri 10am Michael Scully late of Mountmahon Fri 7pm Fred Tobin, Main St. Memorial Mass. Sat 11am Tadhgean Hartnett, Kilconlea. The Diocesan Clergy Conference takes place this Thursday and Friday. Lay led liturgy will take place those two mornings.